Still second best

So I’m writing a story and felt like posting a piece of it on here, maybe for future inspiration as I’m a bit stuck again or maybe just for something to share with you! It’s more about relationships than pure filth so if that’s not what you’re looking for right now then go check out this filth instead 😉

Any comments or constructive criticism are of course welcome!

 


 

“Oh shit!”

Alice could hear the blind panic in his voice, she could see it in his face. Suddenly his entire body language had changed.

“What is it?” She asked lifting her head off his lap, concerned something serious had happened.

“Tara’s in Nice” he replied, his voice almost broken, his hands starting to shake in the kind of way they do when your body is suddenly flooded with adrenaline and you feel like you need to stand up, you need to move, you need to do *something*. Alice lay her head back down but shifted a little so she was resting on the cushion next to him instead of on his lap. She didn’t really know what to say or what she should say. She breathed in deeply as David continued to text frantically.

“Is she okay?”

“Yes, she’s fine, just a bit shaken up. They weren’t too far from where it happened, one of those turn left or right moments you know.”

Alice didn’t really know what to say next, she was glad Tara hadn’t been hurt but wasn’t sure anything she said would sound genuine, Tara was after all David’s ex. Alice figured even if she had said something else David would probably be too distracted to notice so her silence was fine. She could understand his concern completely but that natural reaction she had just witnessed had chipped away at her heart ever so slightly even if it shouldn’t have. ‘Would his reaction have been that way if it was me and not her?’ She had wondered. David was quiet for the rest of the evening but so was Alice. She asked if he was okay before they went to bed and he assured her he was fine but she knew he wasn’t.

“Are you worried about Tara?” she asked as they lay in bed. Saying her name left a bad taste in Alice’s mouth as if she had just brought up bile and she hated saying it.

“No, she’s got her head screwed on, she spent long enough with me to know what to look out for” he said and there it was, another chip from her heart.

It had been a couple of days since the texting now but Alice still couldn’t shake that selfish unloved feeling she had felt that night. She woke up early, before David which was a rare occurrence, she looked over at him still sleeping and now is when she would usually cuddle up to him and go back to sleep for a few more hours but she just couldn’t. She didn’t want to cuddle up to him this morning, she didn’t even want to be near him for now and now she was awake there was too much going on in her mind to get back to sleep anyway, another rare occurrence. She pulled on a baggy t-shirt and tiptoed away from the bedroom. She didn’t want to put the TV on because she didn’t want to wake David up so she just lay on the sofa and fiddled with her phone for a while. She heard that annoying vibrating sound behind her for the second time and knew it was David’s phone. She looked over her shoulder at it, just stupid game updates but she stared at it for a long time. She knew she shouldn’t look at his phone, she knew so badly she shouldn’t but she just couldn’t help it. Maybe she would feel better after reading the conversation with Tara she told herself, then she could see he was just a concerned friend and that she had no right to be feeling so insecure about them talking. If only that was true.

Alice scrolled back in his texts a few days and saw he had been texting her last week when the two of them were on a night out, just chit chat really but he was still calling Tara that same pet name he always had when they were together and it made Alice’s stomach turn and her heart ache every time she saw it. That was just too familiar for her to be okay with and it made her angry and upset all at once. She carried on scrolling a little faster, skipping past all the small talk and then there it was; ‘I love you.’

She saw Tara tell David she was in Nice and him asking if she was okay and telling her to be careful, she saw him say he was shaking and every word made Alice feel so insignificant, so unimportant but then there it was, plain and simple, the honest truth that they both knew but no one mentioned. The truth that Alice had feared ever since they had been together and now that he’d been living with her about a year she hoped wasn’t true anymore. There was a physical pain in Alice’s chest as if a large shard of glass had just been shoved through her heart. There it was, in black and white, the confirmation of her worst fear — that she will always be second best to her. She felt like she might be physically sick as silent tears started to flood her cheeks. She knew she couldn’t start sobbing now because he would hear and she couldn’t deal with that right now so she swallowed hard and closed her eyes as tight as she could and waited for the tears to stop. Bent over slightly she put both arms around her stomach and held herself as if her appendix was about the burst.

The next few days were hard as Alice tried so hard not to think about it. She kept listing all the wonderful things David does for her, all the things he does to show he cares without saying it but her vindictive mind couldn’t help but chime in whenever she let her guard down.

‘He said he loves her. You’ve had confirmation now. You know full well there’s absolutely no way he’d be here with you if *she* hadn’t broken up with *him*. You were just a convenient little cock sucker that was already following him around like a little lost puppy so why wouldn’t he take full advantage of that once he was single? She knows he’s with you now, imagine how smug she’s feeling. She fucked him over and he may have moved on with someone younger than her but hey, he still loves her! And she knows how fat you are…she must be so fucking smug right now and you just look like an idiot. Like a fat, naive, little child.’

Yep, that was her mind all right, it really liked to kick her when she was down and boy was she down; she couldn’t be bothered to eat healthy anymore as she had been before and really had no motivation to do anything. It felt like she floated numbly through the rest of the week, barely talking to David but not in a way he would notice, keeping things nice enough on the surface. She wrestled with what to do, she knew she had to get it out of her but was pretty sure talking about it with David would lead to her breaking down completely which she didn’t want and that he would probably be angry she read his texts in the first place.

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